Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Therapy in New Jersey by Dr. Konstantin Lukin, Ph.D.

Bergen County Moms
3 days ago
11 min read

Woman in a striped shirt holds her head in pain, appearing stressed in a living room with green pillows and blurred decor in the background.

Living with Borderline Personality Disorder can feel like being on an emotional rollercoaster—intense feelings that shift rapidly, relationships that feel unstable, and a persistent sense of emptiness that’s difficult to describe to others. If you or someone you care about is experiencing these challenges, you’re not alone. BPD affects approximately 1.4% of the adult population in the United States, according to the National Institute of Mental Health, and effective treatment can make a profound difference in quality of life.

At Lukin Center for Psychotherapy, we understand that BPD is not a character flaw or something you can simply “get over.” It’s a treatable mental health condition that responds well to specialized therapeutic approaches. Our team of experienced clinicians across Northern New Jersey provides compassionate, evidence-based treatment designed to help you build the life you want.

Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder is characterized by persistent patterns of instability in relationships, self-image, and emotions. People with BPD often experience intense emotions that can change quickly, sometimes within hours. The American Psychiatric Association defines BPD as including at least five of nine specific criteria, including fears of abandonment, unstable relationships, identity disturbance, impulsivity, recurrent suicidal behavior, emotional instability, chronic feelings of emptiness, intense anger, and stress-related paranoia or dissociation.

Research suggests that BPD develops from a combination of genetic factors, brain structure and function, and environmental influences. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, childhood trauma, invalidating environments, and neurobiological factors all contribute to the development of this condition.

The good news? With appropriate treatment, many people with BPD experience significant improvement in their symptoms and quality of life. Studies show that most people with BPD achieve remission with proper care, and many go on to maintain stable, fulfilling relationships and successful careers.

Common Signs and Symptoms of BPD

Recognizing BPD can be challenging because its symptoms often overlap with other mental health conditions like depression, anxiety, or PTSD. However, certain patterns are characteristic of BPD:

Emotional Instability: Rapid mood swings that can last from a few hours to a few days. You might feel intensely happy one moment and deeply sad or anxious the next, often triggered by interpersonal events.

Relationship Challenges: A pattern of intense but unstable relationships where someone is either idealized or devalued. These relationships often feel all-or-nothing, shifting between extremes of closeness and distance.

Identity Disturbance: An unstable sense of self, including shifting goals, values, and career plans. You might feel like a different person depending on who you’re with or struggle to know who you “really” are.

Impulsive Behaviors: Acting on impulse in ways that could be harmful, such as reckless spending, unsafe sex, substance abuse, binge eating, or dangerous driving.

Self-Harm and Suicidal Thoughts: Recurrent suicidal thoughts, threats, or behaviors, as well as self-injury such as cutting or burning. If you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, please call 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline or go to your nearest emergency room.

Fear of Abandonment: Intense efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment, which can lead to frantic attempts to hold onto relationships or preemptive rejection of others.

Chronic Emptiness: A persistent feeling of being empty or hollow inside, which some describe as feeling like they don’t exist or that life has no meaning.

Intense Anger: Difficulty controlling anger, frequent angry outbursts, or constant feelings of anger that seem disproportionate to the situation.

Dissociation: During times of stress, you might experience feeling disconnected from yourself, your thoughts, or your surroundings, or develop paranoid thoughts about others’ intentions.

Evidence-Based Treatments for BPD at Lukin Center

The cornerstone of BPD treatment is psychotherapy. While medication can help manage co-occurring conditions like depression or anxiety, research consistently shows that specialized therapy approaches are most effective for treating the core symptoms of BPD. At Lukin Center, we offer several evidence-based treatments proven to help individuals with BPD.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)

Dialectical Behavior Therapy is considered the gold standard treatment for BPD. Developed specifically for individuals with BPD by Dr. Marsha Linehan, DBT combines elements of cognitive-behavioral techniques with mindfulness practices. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration recognizes DBT as an evidence-based practice for treating BPD and reducing suicidal behaviors.

DBT focuses on four key skill areas:

Mindfulness: Learning to be present in the moment without judgment, which helps you observe your thoughts and emotions without being overwhelmed by them.

Distress Tolerance: Developing healthy ways to cope with painful emotions and situations without making things worse through impulsive or self-destructive behaviors.

Emotion Regulation: Understanding and managing intense emotions, reducing emotional vulnerability, and increasing positive emotional experiences.

Interpersonal Effectiveness: Building skills to maintain relationships, set boundaries, and communicate needs effectively while maintaining self-respect.

Our DBT program includes both individual therapy sessions and group skills training. We also offer specialized DBT groups where you can practice skills with others facing similar challenges in a supportive environment.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy helps identify and change unhelpful thinking patterns and behaviors that contribute to emotional distress. For individuals with BPD, CBT can address specific symptoms like negative self-image, black-and-white thinking, and assumptions about others’ intentions.

CBT works by helping you recognize the connections between your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. When you can identify distorted thinking patterns—such as catastrophizing or all-or-nothing thinking—you can challenge these thoughts and develop more balanced perspectives. This approach can be particularly helpful for managing the intense emotions and impulsive behaviors associated with BPD.

Schema Therapy

Schema therapy is an integrative approach that combines elements of CBT with other therapeutic techniques. It focuses on identifying and changing deeply ingrained patterns or “schemas” that developed in childhood and continue to affect your relationships and self-perception. Research published in psychiatric journals shows that schema therapy can be highly effective for treating BPD, particularly for individuals who haven’t responded fully to other treatments.

Mentalization-Based Therapy (MBT)

MBT helps you develop the capacity to understand your own mental states and those of others—a skill called mentalization. For individuals with BPD, difficulties with mentalization can contribute to relationship problems and emotional dysregulation. MBT teaches you to pause and reflect on what you and others might be thinking and feeling, rather than reacting impulsively based on assumptions.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

Many individuals with BPD have experienced trauma in their past. EMDR therapy can help process traumatic memories that may be contributing to BPD symptoms. This approach has strong research support for treating trauma-related conditions and can be an important component of comprehensive BPD treatment.

The Lukin Center Approach to BPD Treatment

What sets Lukin Center apart is our comprehensive, personalized approach to mental health care. Dr. Konstantin Lukin personally matches every patient with the clinician who has the specific skills, training, and personality to provide the best possible care for your unique needs. This careful matching process ensures you work with someone you can trust and who specializes in treating BPD.

Our clinicians maintain the highest possible degrees and certifications in their fields. Many have advanced training in DBT and other evidence-based treatments for BPD, and they stay current with the latest research and therapeutic techniques. You can be confident you’re receiving care from experienced professionals who understand the complexities of BPD.

We offer treatment at seven convenient locations across Northern New Jersey, including Chatham, Englewood, Hoboken, Jersey City, Montclair, Ridgewood, and Westfield. We also provide teletherapy services for those who prefer virtual sessions or live outside our immediate service areas.

Individual, Couples, and Family Therapy for BPD

BPD doesn’t just affect you—it impacts your relationships with partners, family members, and friends. That’s why we offer comprehensive treatment options that can include:

Individual Therapy: One-on-one sessions focused on your specific symptoms, goals, and challenges. This is where you’ll develop core skills and work through underlying issues contributing to your BPD symptoms.

Couples Counseling: BPD can create significant relationship challenges. Couples therapy can help you and your partner understand how BPD affects your relationship, improve communication, and develop strategies for managing conflicts more effectively. We use approaches like Emotionally Focused Therapy that have strong research support for improving relationship satisfaction.

Family Therapy: Family involvement can be crucial for long-term recovery. Family therapy helps loved ones understand BPD, learn how to provide appropriate support, set healthy boundaries, and reduce family conflict that may trigger symptoms.

Comprehensive Mental Health Services Under One Roof

As Northern New Jersey’s largest mental health practice, Lukin Center offers more than just therapy for BPD. If you’re dealing with co-occurring conditions—which is common with BPD—we provide comprehensive care that addresses all aspects of your mental health:

Medication Management: Our in-house psychiatry practice can evaluate whether medication might be helpful for managing symptoms like depression, anxiety, or mood instability that often accompany BPD.

Neuropsychological Evaluations: Comprehensive assessments can help identify any underlying cognitive or learning issues that may be complicating your treatment.

Treatment for Co-occurring Conditions: We provide specialized treatment for conditions that frequently co-occur with BPD, including eating disorders, addiction, OCD, and trauma-related disorders.

Group Therapy: In addition to our DBT groups, we offer various therapeutic groups that can complement your individual therapy and help you practice skills in a supportive community setting.

This integrated approach means you don’t have to coordinate care between multiple providers or practices. Everything you need is available in one place, with seamless communication between your treatment team members.

What to Expect in BPD Therapy

Starting therapy for BPD requires courage, and it’s natural to feel uncertain about what to expect. Here’s what the process typically looks like at Lukin Center:

Initial Consultation: When you first contact us, you’ll speak with Dr. Lukin about your concerns and what you hope to achieve through therapy. He’ll gather information about your symptoms, history, and needs to make the best clinician match for you.

Assessment Phase: Your therapist will conduct a thorough assessment to understand your symptoms, strengths, challenges, and treatment goals. This collaborative process helps create a treatment plan tailored to your specific situation.

Active Treatment: Depending on the approach, you’ll meet with your therapist weekly or more frequently. DBT typically involves weekly individual sessions plus a weekly skills group. You’ll learn new skills, practice them between sessions, and work through challenges as they arise.

Progress Monitoring: Your therapist will regularly assess your progress and adjust treatment as needed. BPD treatment is not one-size-fits-all, and your plan should evolve as you develop new skills and insights.

Long-term Support: Recovery from BPD is a journey, not a destination. Many people benefit from ongoing therapy even after their symptoms significantly improve. Your therapist will work with you to determine the right level of care for each stage of your recovery.

Hope and Recovery Are Possible

One of the most important things to understand about BPD is that recovery is not only possible—it’s likely with appropriate treatment. Research shows that with evidence-based therapy, most people with BPD experience significant symptom reduction within the first year of treatment, and many achieve remission over time.

Recovery doesn’t necessarily mean your symptoms disappear completely. Instead, it means developing the skills and understanding to manage your emotions effectively, build stable relationships, and create a life that feels meaningful and worth living. Many people who’ve successfully managed their BPD describe feeling like they’ve finally found themselves after years of feeling lost or out of control.

The journey isn’t always linear. You may have setbacks, and that’s completely normal. What matters is having a skilled therapist who can help you navigate those challenges and a commitment to continuing your treatment even when things get difficult.

Taking the First Step

If you’re struggling with symptoms of BPD, reaching out for help is an act of strength, not weakness. The symptoms of BPD can be incredibly painful, but you don’t have to face them alone. At Lukin Center for Psychotherapy, we’re here to support you with compassion, expertise, and evidence-based treatments that can genuinely change your life.

Our team understands that BPD affects everyone differently, and we’re committed to providing personalized care that addresses your unique needs and goals. Whether you’re in crisis or simply ready to start making changes, we can help you find a path forward.

To get started, contact us at (201) 849-7085 or reach out through our website. Dr. Lukin will personally match you with a therapist who has the expertise and approach that’s right for you. We serve communities throughout Northern New Jersey and offer both in-person sessions at our seven locations and secure teletherapy options.

Your life can be different. With the right support and treatment, you can build the emotional stability, healthy relationships, and sense of self you deserve. Let us help you take that first step toward healing and recovery.

Frequently Asked Questions About BPD Therapy

How long does BPD treatment take?

BPD treatment is typically a longer-term process, with most evidence-based approaches recommending at least one to two years of consistent therapy. However, many people begin noticing improvements in their symptoms within the first few months. The timeline varies based on individual circumstances, symptom severity, treatment consistency, and personal goals.

Is BPD the same as bipolar disorder?

No, BPD and bipolar disorder are different conditions, though they share some similarities. Bipolar disorder involves distinct episodes of mania or hypomania and depression that last for days to weeks. BPD involves more rapid emotional shifts that typically last hours and are often triggered by interpersonal events. A thorough evaluation by a mental health professional can help distinguish between these conditions.

Can BPD be treated without medication?

Yes, psychotherapy is the primary treatment for BPD, and many people manage their symptoms successfully without medication. However, medications can be helpful for treating co-occurring conditions like depression or anxiety, or for managing specific symptoms. The decision about medication should be made collaboratively with a psychiatrist who understands BPD.

Will I need to be hospitalized for BPD?

Most people with BPD are treated successfully on an outpatient basis through regular therapy sessions. Hospitalization may be necessary if you’re experiencing a crisis, such as serious suicidal thoughts or self-harm behaviors, but this is typically short-term stabilization rather than long-term treatment. The goal is to help you develop skills to manage crises without needing hospitalization.

How do I know if I have BPD or just normal emotional reactions?

Everyone experiences emotional ups and downs, but BPD involves persistent patterns of intense, unstable emotions that significantly interfere with relationships and daily functioning. If you’re concerned about your symptoms, a comprehensive evaluation by a mental health professional can provide clarity and help determine the most appropriate treatment approach.

Our dedicated team offers comprehensive services across Northern New Jersey, including Chatham, Englewood, Hoboken, Jersey City, Montclair, Ridgewood, and Westfield. Speak with someone today at 201-849-7085 to find your ideal therapist.

Konstantin Lukin, Ph.D | Lukin Center Psychotherapy

Konstantin Lukin, Ph.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist, author, speaker, and researcher specializing in men’s issues, couple’s counseling, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). He is the Director and Co-Founder of the Lukin Center, northern New Jersey’s premiere evidence-based psychotherapy practice. The Lukin Center emphasizes evidence-based treatments such as emotion-focused therapy for couples, and cognitive and dialectical behavioral therapies for children, adolescents, and adults. Since its inception, the Lukin Center has grown to include testing and assessment as well as medication management services. As a therapist, Dr. Lukin focuses on providing support and practical feedback to help clients effectively address personal life challenges. He integrates complementary modalities and techniques – including cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), schema-focused therapy, and emotion-focused therapy (EFT) – to offer a personalized approach tailored to each client. With compassion and understanding, he works with his clients to help them build on their strengths and attain the personal growth to which they are committed. Dr. Lukin has extensive experience in private practice, conducting outpatient therapy with children, adolescents, and adults. He also has extensive clinical and research experience with people of all ages and their families, including those diagnosed as severely and persistently mentally ill, in both inpatient and outpatient settings. He has co-led groups for children, adolescents, and adults diagnosed with OCD in an outpatient setting. He is trained and experienced in administering a variety of psychological test batteries including neuropsychological, cognitive, and personality assessments, and he has conducted diagnostic and intake interviews and prepared evaluation reports. Dr. Lukin is a graduate of the Honors College at SUNY at Stony Brook, and earned his doctorate from Fairleigh Dickinson University.