We hear a lot about our children being part of the ‘me’ generation. And to an extent that’s true. “Give me, buy me, get me, you know nothing, the world revolves around me and my needs and feelings.” In their eyes, it’s all about them. We expect it, and know that it’s part of adolescence. But… how you deal with it is all about YOU. Getting your message across and making a lasting, positive impact on them is about you. What you feel and how you respond is up to you. (
Get a life? You wish you had a life, and so does your teen! Most days it feels as if your life is all about your child and getting through the days. Why would your teen want you to have a life of your own? 1) The obvious reason is that it takes the focus off your child. "Stop bossing me around!" is a common teen outburst. If you're focusing on yourself, you're not focusing on what you want her to do, what she's not doing right, and how burdensome it can sometimes feel wh
During her first semester at college, my daughter gave me the following head's up before returning home for a break -- she dyed her hair pink. While I didn't yell, I was upset. Why on earth would she do that? Here was her explanation. Bard College is kind of a funky place, to put it mildly. Many of the students are on the fringe -- bright and nice, but a bit weird. Sarah did not fit the 'weird' part, but she was feeling some pressure (probably self-imposed) to do somethi
I retweeted this message from Emily Roberts (therapist and author). "Parents, ask your kids, 'Would you say that to her face?' When texting, pause before you post." There's a big cyber-world out there, where what should be private becomes dangerously public. Our children are especially at risk of damaging relationships and their own reputation. A little empathy and awareness can go a long way in helping them maneuver through this world in a more healthy way. "Would you say
A mom shared that she had been looking forward to some quiet time. Unfortunately, her teen (who didn’t yet have a license) came to her and asked, wheedled, whined, for a ride to a last-minute meet up with friends. Mom felt cornered. How to say no without coming off as angry and resentful seemed impossible. She added that she felt enormous pressure from without. Other parents typically dropped everything to accommodate their kids, and she didn’t believe this was healthy f
There are three things that we should always demand in our lives from the people who matter. To be seen. To be heard. To be valued. I think it is as simple as that. I have a close friend and sometimes when I vent to her, she says that to me. She says, “I see you and I hear you.” It makes my eyes fill with tears every single time. Sometimes she doesn’t even need to respond with advice. I know that when she says that to me, she truly gets it and I immediately feel validate
That got your attention, didn't it? The expression "F-bomb" (you know, the "F" word that we write f*#@ in public) is an official word in the dictionary. It reminds me of a client who said how upset she would get when her son "dropped the F-bomb". She'd react in such a strong, negative way -- which is understandable. Whatever they were originally discussing was gone, too busy arguing about such a crude and disrespectful way to talk to your mom! So here's the deal. It is, as a
In the age of ‘give me, buy me, get me” it’s important to be prepared for the nagging and deflection our kids are so good at. Today’s discussion is based on a real conversation with a client. Be prepared for the nagging when it comes, because it will come in one form or another. It's a true story. Eighteen-year old college freshman Jen wants her own car because:
a) mom's car isn't often available to her.
b) taking the bus is not cool and takes longer.
I love Pharrell Williams’ song “Because I’m Happy”. It’s an upbeat, catchy tune, and you have to love the videos of all those people dancing. But… in real life, there’s way too much emphasis on our kids striving to be happy. It just breaks your heart when they’re sad or disappointed, doesn’t it? And yet, it’s inevitable. As much as you’d like to, you can’t prevent it. We all know there is unpleasantness in life. In fact, you’d probably admit that those difficult times made y
Many of you are sending your kids off to college soon, and maybe for the first time. I’ve been there, twice. And now my daughter lives overseas! Most of the time I’m okay with it… you get used to it, you know? But sometimes when she sends me little notes, or we chat on Skype, I miss her again. She’s clever and loving and generous, and so very courageous — and you really can’t do hugs on Skype. And then, when we actually visit, it hits hard. It sounds strange, but I don’t
Statistics show that about three percent of all babies in the U.S. are born with some form of physical or mental disability. It can be overwhelming if you're expecting a baby with an impairment, as you have to navigate the world of special needs on top of traditional parenting — but it's not an impossible feat. Here's how to prepare so that you can provide the best life for your child and yourself, too. Make Accessibility Improvements While you may need to make additional mod
Thirty, sixty, ninety days. Clean and sober. They're in recovery, fixed, and all's right with the world, right? No, no, and no. The process of long-term recovery is just beginning. Careful planning is necessary to transition back to what you might call a normal life. And when your child comes home from treatment, things have to be different. If nothing changes in the family and your child's environment, then not much changes for your child. What does all this look like?