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No. Wait. It Really Is All About You. By Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach

We hear a lot about our children being part of the ‘me’ generation. And to an extent that’s true. “Give me, buy me, get me, you know nothing, the world revolves around me and my needs and feelings.” In their eyes, it’s all about them. We expect it, and know that it’s part of adolescence. But… how you deal with it is all about YOU. Getting your message across and making a lasting, positive impact on them is about you. What you feel and how you respond is up to you. (

5 Reasons Your Teen Wants You to Get a Life by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach

Get a life? You wish you had a life, and so does your teen! Most days it feels as if your life is all about your child and getting through the days. Why would your teen want you to have a life of your own? 1) The obvious reason is that it takes the focus off your child. "Stop bossing me around!" is a common teen outburst. If you're focusing on yourself, you're not focusing on what you want her to do, what she's not doing right, and how burdensome it can sometimes feel wh

You Did What? How I Learned Perspective from My Daughter by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coa

During her first semester at college, my daughter gave me the following head's up before returning home for a break -- she dyed her hair pink. While I didn't yell, I was upset. Why on earth would she do that? Here was her explanation. Bard College is kind of a funky place, to put it mildly. Many of the students are on the fringe -- bright and nice, but a bit weird. Sarah did not fit the 'weird' part, but she was feeling some pressure (probably self-imposed) to do somethi

The Dangers of Texting – Would You Say That To Her Face? By Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coac

I retweeted this message from Emily Roberts (therapist and author). "Parents, ask your kids, 'Would you say that to her face?' When texting, pause before you post." There's a big cyber-world out there, where what should be private becomes dangerously public. Our children are especially at risk of damaging relationships and their own reputation. A little empathy and awareness can go a long way in helping them maneuver through this world in a more healthy way. "Would you say

How to Say 'NO' Without Guilt and Resentment by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach

A mom shared that she had been looking forward to some quiet time. Unfortunately, her teen (who didn’t yet have a license) came to her and asked, wheedled, whined, for a ride to a last-minute meet up with friends. Mom felt cornered. How to say no without coming off as angry and resentful seemed impossible. She added that she felt enormous pressure from without. Other parents typically dropped everything to accommodate their kids, and she didn’t believe this was healthy f

To Be Seen. To Be Heard. By Noreen Heffernan, Writer

There are three things that we should always demand in our lives from the people who matter. To be seen. To be heard. To be valued. I think it is as simple as that. I have a close friend and sometimes when I vent to her, she says that to me. She says, “I see you and I hear you.” It makes my eyes fill with tears every single time. Sometimes she doesn’t even need to respond with advice. I know that when she says that to me, she truly gets it and I immediately feel validate

Using the ‘F-Bomb’ to Start a Conversation By Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach

That got your attention, didn't it? The expression "F-bomb" (you know, the "F" word that we write f*#@ in public) is an official word in the dictionary. It reminds me of a client who said how upset she would get when her son "dropped the F-bomb". She'd react in such a strong, negative way -- which is understandable. Whatever they were originally discussing was gone, too busy arguing about such a crude and disrespectful way to talk to your mom! So here's the deal. It is, as a

“I Demand That You Get Me a Car!” Dealing Reasonably with an Unreasonable Teen by Fern Weis, Parent

In the age of ‘give me, buy me, get me” it’s important to be prepared for the nagging and deflection our kids are so good at. Today’s discussion is based on a real conversation with a client. Be prepared for the nagging when it comes, because it will come in one form or another. It's a true story. Eighteen-year old college freshman Jen wants her own car because: a) mom's car isn't often available to her. b) taking the bus is not cool and takes longer. c) s

It’s Not Your Job to Make Sure Your Kids Are Happy by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach

I love Pharrell Williams’ song “Because I’m Happy”. It’s an upbeat, catchy tune, and you have to love the videos of all those people dancing. But… in real life, there’s way too much emphasis on our kids striving to be happy. It just breaks your heart when they’re sad or disappointed, doesn’t it? And yet, it’s inevitable. As much as you’d like to, you can’t prevent it. We all know there is unpleasantness in life. In fact, you’d probably admit that those difficult times made y

How to Survive After the Kids Leave for College by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach

Many of you are sending your kids off to college soon, and maybe for the first time. I’ve been there, twice. And now my daughter lives overseas! Most of the time I’m okay with it… you get used to it, you know? But sometimes when she sends me little notes, or we chat on Skype, I miss her again. She’s clever and loving and generous, and so very courageous — and you really can’t do hugs on Skype. And then, when we actually visit, it hits hard. It sounds strange, but I don’t

How To Prepare Your Life When You're Expecting A Child With A Disability by Emily Graham

Statistics show that about three percent of all babies in the U.S. are born with some form of physical or mental disability. It can be overwhelming if you're expecting a baby with an impairment, as you have to navigate the world of special needs on top of traditional parenting — but it's not an impossible feat. Here's how to prepare so that you can provide the best life for your child and yourself, too. Make Accessibility Improvements While you may need to make additional mod

What to Expect When Your Child Comes Home from Treatment by Fern Weis, Parent Empowerment Coach + Fa

Thirty, sixty, ninety days. Clean and sober. They're in recovery, fixed, and all's right with the world, right? No, no, and no. The process of long-term recovery is just beginning. Careful planning is necessary to transition back to what you might call a normal life. And when your child comes home from treatment, things have to be different. If nothing changes in the family and your child's environment, then not much changes for your child. What does all this look like?

Top Tips for Raising Healthy Eaters by Amara Wagner, Integrative Health Coach

One of the most common questions I hear is “How can I get my kids to eat healthy?” The truth is, developing a relationship with nourishing foods is essential for long-term health and well-being and, although there are challenges, it’s not impossible and shouldn’t mean that you’re setting yourself up for battle. In fact, one of the most important things you can do to help your family develop healthy eating patterns is to NOT battle over food. Following are a few suggestions I’

What Do You Mean, You’re Going on a Trip Without an Adult by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coa

A parent submitted the following question: How do parents make decisions on older teens through early 20s who want to go away on vacation with friends or their sweethearts? Is it an age-related matter? Is there a fine line? What should parents consider in their decisions? The 18-and-Under Crowd Teens under the age of 18 should not be allowed to vacation without an adult present. There are health and safety issues, and potential legal issues if something goes very wrong. U

Do's and Don't While Your Child Is in Treatment by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach

You realize that your child (or other loved one) is drinking or drugging or both. After the shock wears off, you reach out, get referrals, and consult with a treatment center. Somehow your son or daughter goes, or is taken, to an impatient treatment program, and you take your first deep breath in a long time. Aaahh. It's a relief to know that your child is in a safe place, getting help to detox and to begin the journey of self-examination and healing. Now what about you?

Life From a Different Lens by Noreen Heffernan, Writer

I’m a Mom. I’m every Mom. We might not have the same circumstances, titles, roles, and lives, but we are all Moms. We all want the same things for our children. And although my day might be a little different than my friend up the street, we all can find extraordinary moments in our ordinary everyday lives. All we have to do is look. And when we get a chance to see it, it all becomes so clear. When “A Day in the Life,” came to fruition, I was hesitant to allow someone t

Mother’s Day Reflections by Amara Wagner, Integrative Health Coach

Being a mother is my proudest accomplishment, a tremendous source of joy in my life, and one of the things I feel I’m best at (I’ve literally built my career around mentoring other moms), but I have a gripe with the pressure that comes with Mother’s Day. To me, it feels like trying to fit a big messy blob into a pretty little box that we must politely contain and make sure to feel perfectly happy about, so your family has no doubt that you appreciate their efforts to make you

It’s Exhausting To Be Who You Are Not (A Personal Story) by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coac

I was talking to a colleague at school. I asked a question, he gave me a serious answer. This man usually jokes around a lot, so I really enjoyed having a more intimate conversation with him. When he's joking around, I find myself playing along and being part of it. But... if I'm honest about it... it's work for me. At some level I'm not enjoying myself. To understand why this is so, you need to hear about the shy, awkward teenager I was. I was always shy, feeling more comfor

Mother's Day Giveaway Winner Kerribeth McKenna

Congratulations to Kerribeth McKenna! She is the proud mom of a toddler boy and new baby girl. And to Kerribeth’s surprise, her husband Andrew entered her in our Mother’s Day Giveaway! We asked Andrew to share a little something about Kerribeth, and here is what he had to say… My wife Kerribeth is selfless and puts our children first. No matter what stress comes our way she becomes the rock our family needs. She always puts everyone's needs before her own. And as fo

9 Life Lessons Learned in the “Hood” by Randi Levin, CPC, Life Transition Coach

Motherhood comes with a secret. It comes with an advanced degree in life. A Masters of Motherhood that translates on the soccer field right into the boardroom. What other job in life has the ability for us to hone such a vast skill set? In May, the Month of Moms, I celebrate all the women in the “hood.” We are a large, yet unique group of women who take learning on the job to another level! We may feel as though our roles as mothers only allow us to teach others…but what we l

BERGEN COUNTY MOMS