Being a mother is my proudest accomplishment, a tremendous source of joy in my life, and one of the things I feel I’m best at (I’ve literally built my career around mentoring other moms), but I have a gripe with the pressure that comes with Mother’s Day. To me, it feels like trying to fit a big messy blob into a pretty little box that we must politely contain and make sure to feel perfectly happy about, so your family has no doubt that you appreciate their efforts to make you feel special.
If there’s one thing that I know about mothers it’s that we could all use less pressure. In fact, I strongly believe our health and well-being is dependent on relieving some of the pressure that we put on ourselves and allow others to put upon us. We can honor the mothers by acknowledging ourselves and the range of experiences, challenges, heartaches, and wounds that come with our job.
Some of us feel intense pressure to mother with gratitude in all moments.
Some of us mourn the loss of our own mother.
Some of us were never mothered the way we needed to be.
Some of us feel very alone in our mothering journey.
Some of us struggle to reclaim parts of ourselves beyond “mother”.
Some of us carry guilt and shame about the way we mother.
Some of us carry pain and grief for the children we miss.
Some of us feel conflicted about the relationship with our own mother.
Some of us long for the mother we never had or wish we had.
Some of us miss our mother very deeply.
Some of us long to be a mother.
Some of us long to be a mother like the one we had.
Some of us worry that we will turn into the mother we had.
Some of us have a sick child.
Some of us have difficult relationships with our child.
Some of us wish that our mothering experience was different.
Some of us are in the thick of it.
Some of us are depressed.
Some of us feel like we're failing despite our best effort.
Some of us haven’t slept in weeks.
Some of us deeply love our mother and worry about life without her.
Some of us have deeps wounds from our own childhoods.
Some of us have no support.
Some of us are scared for our babies.
Some of us wish our babies were still babies.
Some of us feel intense pressure to be Mothering the “right” way.
And so, as we reflect on this past Mother’s day, give yourself permission to feel whatever emotions you feel, without pressure to be or feel any particular way. You can be grateful for your adorable child AND exhausted and annoyed that you haven’t had five minutes to yourself in five years. It’s both ugly and beautiful at the same time.
Happy Mother's Day.
Amara Wagner is a speaker and mentor who empowers moms to trust their intuition and guides them, with practical tools, to raise naturally healthy families. Her private and group coaching programs help women navigate motherhood mindfully and with a sense of humor, without dogma. Amara provides a unique, down-to-earth approach to moms who want to feel confident using whole foods and ancient remedies to support their family's health. She specializes in helping holistic-minded mamas parent from an intuitive place, without sacrificing their own health. To learn more about Amara and her programs please visit www.amarawellness.com