Self Comparison: From Trap To Tool by Karan Kataria, M.S.

Bergen County Moms
4 days ago
4 min read

Updated: 4 days ago

Woman intently looks at smartphone in a sunlit room, resting her chin on her hand. She wears a white shirt, appearing thoughtful.

“Comparison is the thief of joy." We have all heard the quote, yet we still find ourselves stuck in loops of self-doubt. We often catch ourselves thinking that others have it better or that we are simply not enough.

Research shows that comparison is not a character flaw. It is a hardwired mental process and a core part of the human experience. While it once served a vital purpose for our ancestors, it has become a source of stress in a world dominated by social media highlight reels.

In this article, we break down the science of self-comparison and explain why your brain does it. More importantly, we look at how to stop fighting the feeling and start using it to your advantage.

Evolution of the “Comparison Drive”

It is not a software error. Your brain is programmed to compare. From an evolutionary perspective, this served a specific goal. It helped our ancestors determine whether they were "safe" within their social circle and whether they had the resources to survive.

This social data tells us where we might be lacking, so we can focus our energy on growth. For example, imagine an ancestor who sees a peer with a sturdy sword and a protected family. By noticing the difference, that person is motivated to trade for a sword and build a stronger bond with the group.

In this context, comparison ensured survival and built community.

“When a good tool goes bad”

In our modern world, comparison has shifted from a survival tool to a constant, painful reminder of our perceived flaws. Instead of helping us grow, it often whispers that because we aren't "perfect" yet, we aren't safe or successful.

Social media plays a major role here. These platforms are public, and people typically only share their best moments.

Meaning your mind is constantly exposed to others' "best-of" reels while you are intimately aware of your own "behind-the-scenes" struggles.

The more time we spend scrolling, the stronger these mental pathways become. This makes it easier to get trapped in a cycle of rumination and negative thinking.

Learning to thrive with self-comparison

It is natural to want to switch this feeling off. However, since comparison is part of our biology, the goal isn't to force it away. The real challenge is changing how we react to it. You can learn to use comparison as fuel or simply acknowledge its presence without letting it ruin your day.

If you want to start building a healthier relationship with these thoughts, here is a practical roadmap.

Short Term Work*

Acknowledge the feeling: Simply name it when it shows up.
Reframe the thought: Turn "I'm behind" into "I see what I value."
Breathe and Reset: Take one deep breath and get back to your current task.

Long Term Work*

Journaling: Write down your triggers to find out what specifically sets off the comparison.
Fact-Checking: Look for evidence that contradicts your negative self-talk.
Action Steps: Ask yourself what productive move you can take to reach the goals you admire in others.

*This advice is easier said than done, and only starts to become effective when trained frequently and with precision. That’s where a therapist can help. For more information, contact the Lukin Center.

Karan Kataria is the Social Media Manager and Clinical Intake & Outreach Specialist at Lukin Center, where he is passionate about communicating the Center’s mission of accessible, evidence-based mental health care. In his role, he manages all social media and content creation across platforms including LinkedIn, YouTube, Facebook, and Instagram, while also supporting program development and patient engagement. Karan plays a key role in shaping the Sport Performance Program at Lukin Center by creating educational materials and preparing to serve as a presenter in the program’s initiatives.

He specializes in integrating sport and exercise psychology into performance and wellness, with a strong interest in the relationship between mind and body. Karan holds a Master of Science in Sport and Exercise Psychology from Springfield College and a Bachelor of Science in Kinesiology with a cognate in Exercise Science from Michigan State University. His graduate research explored how self-talk evolves throughout endurance performance, reflecting his deep passion for the mind-body connection. Dedicated to advancing the field of psychology, he is also applying to doctoral programs in Clinical Psychology. Karan has worked with athletes, teams, and individuals across a variety of sports, providing mental skills training in areas such as self-talk, visualization, emotion regulation, and performance routines. He has also presented at conferences and academic forums on topics including endurance performance and applied psychology, blending his academic expertise with practical applications in sport and mental health. Deeply committed to bridging communication, psychology, and performance, Karan brings creativity, research, and passion to his work at Lukin Center, with the goal of helping individuals strengthen both their mental health and their performance potential.

With offices in Chatham, Englewood, Hoboken, Jersey City, Montclair, Ridgewood, and Westfield, we're here to help. Reach out at 201-849-7085 to discover your best fit therapist.