Do Positive Affirmations Work? How to Use Positive Affirmations Effectively by Julia Farrell, LPC

Bergen County Moms
May 2
4 min read

Woman in a beige sweater holding a white mug, eyes closed, smiling in contentment. Soft, neutral background suggests a cozy setting.

Can simply repeating phrases like “I love myself” or “I am enough” truly change our mindset? These affirmations serve as helpful reminders for some to cultivate a more positive outlook.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has a core idea: change your thoughts, and you can change your emotions, which in turn changes your behaviors. But negative thoughts? They’re like well-worn hiking trails in your brain—familiar and easy to follow because you’ve walked them so many times.

On the other hand, new affirmations are like trying to carve out a brand-new trail, which can be rough, uncomfortable, and filled with doubt at first. It can feel like you’re not getting anywhere. Yet, here’s the thing… with practice, these new trails get smoother and easier to traverse. Here are a few ways to make that new path feel more natural, so it becomes the one you do want to walk every day.

Positive Affirmations: The Foundation for Change

Instead of trying to erase old thought patterns overnight, positive affirmations help create small mental shifts. These small shifts eventually lead to significant changes. Repeating affirmations is about creating a distinct emotional experience that feels authentic. With every repetition, you are choosing a new path and moving one step away from the negative trails you have known for so long.

Identify the Root of Negative Thinking

Instead of suppressing negative thoughts, get curious about them. Consider these thoughts as obstacles on your path, signaling a detour that requires your attention. Anxiety, for example, often signals underlying fears or unmet needs. If you think, “No one likes me,” it points to a more profound desire for connection and acceptance.

Why Some Affirmations Feel Like Lies

If you’ve ever looked in the mirror and thought, “Ugh, I hate how I look,” and then tried to counter it with, “I am beautiful and radiant,” you might have felt a sense of insincerity, like you’re saying the words without truly believing them. Then left, maybe feeling even worse. That’s because the brain isn’t easily tricked—it knows when you’re faking it.

Instead of forcing yourself to believe something you’re not ready for, adopt a gentler approach. Instead of saying, “I am confident and secure,” try “I’m working on feeling more confident in myself.” Instead of saying, “I am enough,” say, “I’m learning to believe that I am enough.” It’s not about pretending the trail is easier than it is—it’s about meeting yourself where you are and allowing the path to clear and smooth out over time.

The Trick to Making Positive Affirmations Work

Your conscious brain responds to language, but your subconscious speaks in emotion and memory. So, rather than simply repeating an affirmation, try pairing it with a moment that makes it feel real.

Let’s say your affirmation is, “I am valued.” Instead of hanging a post-it on your bathroom mirror, close your eyes and recall a time when someone truly appreciated you—maybe when a friend called you for advice or when a coworker thanked you for your help. Relive that moment. Sit in the emotions. That’s how you make the affirmation stick.

And one day, without even realizing it, you’ll find yourself standing on that new path thinking, “Huh. I guess I really do believe this now,” …and the negative worn path will turn into the one less traveled.

How Lukin Psychotherapy Helps You Build Stronger Pathways

Lukin Psychotherapy helps clients use positive affirmations as part of a broader strategy for emotional growth. Our services include individual therapy, couples therapy, and family therapy. Be it in-person at our Northern New Jersey locations or through teletherapy, we are here to support you with our evidence-based treatments. Let’s walk the path of lasting change together. Reach out to us today.

Our compassionate therapists are ready to support you in Chatham, Englewood, Hoboken, Jersey City, Montclair, Ridgewood, and Westfield. Find your best fit therapist by calling us at 201-409-0393.

Julia Farrell is a Licensed Psychotherapist at Lukin Center for Psychotherapy, specializing in working with adolescents, adults, and couples facing relationship challenges, trauma, addiction, anxiety, depression, self-injury, and mood disorders. Her compassionate, collaborative approach to counseling is tailored to each client’s unique needs. Julia specializes in evidence-based, solution-focused techniques, including cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), psychoanalytic therapy, and motivational interviewing (MI). She offers both emotional support and practical tools to guide clients through difficult times, whether in group or individual settings. With extensive experience providing therapy in a variety of settings, Julia has worked in inpatient, partial hospitalization, and outpatient programs. She is trained in DBT and trauma-informed care, helping clients struggling with addiction, suicidal thoughts, self-harm, and trauma. In addition to this, she has experience working with children through play therapy and parent coaching, which emphasizes the importance of family involvement in the therapeutic process. Her goal is to create a safe space where clients feel heard and supported as they navigate their challenges and develop skills for long-term well-being. Julia holds a Bachelor of Science in Psychology and Behavioral Health Counseling from Drexel University and earned a master’s degree in counseling with concentrations in Clinical Mental Health Counseling and Addictions from Montclair State University. Her educational background and multifaceted clinical experience enable her to provide comprehensive support to those seeking to improve their mental health and overall quality of life. Our compassionate therapists are ready to support you in Chatham, Englewood, Hoboken, Jersey City, Montclair, Ridgewood, and Westfield. Find your best fit therapist by calling us at 201-409-0393.