When a Conversation Starts Getting Tense >> a Small Shift Can Change the Direction by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach
- 3 days ago
- 2 min read
Most difficult conversations follow a predictable pattern:
Someone says something that feels (is interpreted as) critical.
The other person reacts. (This is emotional, not thoughtful).
Both voices rise.
And suddenly both people are defending themselves instead of listening.
When conversations reach that point, most parents try harder to defend their position.
But explaining rarely helps. In fact, it escalates the conflict.
What helps is slowing the pace of the conversation:
Lowering the volume.
Asking a calmer question.
Creating just enough space for emotions to settle.
When the emotional temperature drops, understanding becomes possible again.
TIP: Rather than reacting, you can go quiet for a moment and then share that you’re “taking in” what’s been said. (No offense, no defense. Just taking it in.)
This small shift—slowing things down instead of pushing harder—can change the direction of many difficult conversations.
P.S. Let my new book, Leashes, Lessons, and Love: What Dogs Teach Us About Raising Our Kids and Ourselves be your new parenting companion and the most-read book on your night stand. Short, inspiring stories from my dogs and children, and the unexpected similarities between parenting them all.
*And coaching tips and scripts, too!
Order your copy here: https://fernweisbook.com/book
Fern Weis is a certified life coach who learned that caring and good intentions are not enough in parenting. In fact, they are often the problem! Fern supports parents of teens and young adults who are going through difficult situations, including addiction recovery. She helps parents release guilt, end enabling and confidently prepare their children to thrive through life's challenges. Her articles are featured in Thrive Global, Medium, Motherly, The Teen Mentor, and Bergen County Moms.
Learn more about coaching and classes at www.fernweis.com. And then download your free guide, "Five Powerful Steps to Get Your Teen to Talk." For information on Family Recovery programs, visit www.familyrecoverypartners.com.
Comments