You Can’t Listen When Your Lips Are Moving by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach
"You can't listen when your lips are moving."
It's one of those statements that's so obvious we often overlook it.
Most parents genuinely want to understand their children. But the moment a child begins talking, many of us feel compelled to jump in and manage the problem (whether it’s real or perceived).
-We explain.
-We reassure.
-We correct.
-We tell our own story.
-We offer advice before we've fully heard their story.
Our intentions are good. We want to help.
But while we're thinking about what to say next, we've stopped listening.
Children notice.
-Sometimes they stop talking because they assume they already know what we're going to say.
-Sometimes they stop talking because they don't feel heard.
-And sometimes they decide it's easier not to bring things up at all.
Listening isn't waiting for your turn to speak.
Listening is making enough room for another person to feel understood.
Ironically, the less we talk, the more our children often tell us.
You know it — it’s the concept of “less is more.”
One of the most powerful communication tools I teach parents isn't a clever phrase or a persuasive technique. It's learning to accept, acknowledge, and validate before offering solutions.
Those three skills have changed countless conversations for the parents I coach—and they've changed mine as well.
This is one of the topics addressed in Leashes, Lessons, and Love: What dogs teach us about raising our kids and ourselves.
If this is something you've been wanting to change; if you want to be the person you child comes to when there's something important to talk about...
You'll appreciate the gentle teaching delivered through humorous stories about children and dogs. (And they have more in common than you could imagine.)
You can order your copy here: https://fernweisbook.com/book
I can't wait for you to hold it in your hands.
Fern Weis is a certified life coach who learned that caring and good intentions are not enough in parenting. In fact, they are often the problem! Fern supports parents of teens and young adults who are going through difficult situations, including addiction recovery. She helps parents release guilt, end enabling and confidently prepare their children to thrive through life's challenges. Her articles are featured in Thrive Global, Medium, Motherly, The Teen Mentor, and Bergen County Moms.
Learn more about coaching and classes at www.fernweis.com. And then download your free guide, "Five Powerful Steps to Get Your Teen to Talk." For information on Family Recovery programs, visit www.familyrecoverypartners.com.
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