The Most Underused Parenting Skill: Knowing When to Stop Talking by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach
Most of us were taught that good parenting means responding quickly.
Correct it now.
Address it immediately.
Say something before it gets worse.
But with teens, that urgency often works against us and them.
The most underused parenting skill isn’t the perfect phrase or consequence.
It's the pause.
A pause gives your nervous system time to settle and reset.
It gives your brain time to catch up with your values.
It keeps you from saying the thing you’ll later wish you could take back.
Pausing doesn’t mean ignoring behavior or avoiding hard conversations.
It means choosing when to respond instead of reacting now.
NOTE:
A reaction comes from emotion, impulse, and urgency.
A response is thoughtful and considered.
Nowhere is it written that you must have an immediate answer.
You can pause before responding to a tone.
Pause before answering a request.
Pause before stepping into a power struggle.
This is how leadership looks in parenting teens.
Not urgency.
Not control.
But intention.
When you model pausing, you teach your teen something quietly but powerfully: emotions don't have to dictate behavior.
That lesson will outlast any single conversation.
P.S. There's more like this (including stories about my kids and dogs) in my new book, "Leashes, Lessons, and Love: What Dogs Teach Us About Raising Our Kids and Ourselves." You'll get real life stories, parenting strategies and scripts, and of course, stories and pictures of dogs.
Fern Weis is a certified life coach who learned that caring and good intentions are not enough in parenting. In fact, they are often the problem! Fern supports parents of teens and young adults who are going through difficult situations, including addiction recovery. She helps parents release guilt, end enabling and confidently prepare their children to thrive through life's challenges. Her articles are featured in Thrive Global, Medium, Motherly, The Teen Mentor, and Bergen County Moms.
Learn more about coaching and classes at www.fernweis.com. And then download your free guide, "Five Powerful Steps to Get Your Teen to Talk." For information on Family Recovery programs, visit www.familyrecoverypartners.com.
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