I am a recovering parent. I had a dream, an ideal image of my children's bright future. Needless to say, things didn’t always turn out the way I planned.
Life and family look pretty good now, but there were bumps, hills, even mountains along the way. There were times of fear and despair.
I would never have chosen those experiences. Still, with the gifts of time and distance, I can look back and be so very grateful.
Those times brought the greatest learning and growth for me. I am grateful for evolving into a better version of myself.
Here are the last five of the 17 things I learned as a recovering parent.
*Listening more and saying less earned their trust, improved our relationship, and helped me get my message across in a way they could hear.
*I didn’t always walk the talk, and they knew it. How many times did I have a double standard? Threaten and not follow through? Talk about values and not live them?
*Giving them boundaries was more important than feeling loved by them. This is a big one. Sometimes loving my children meant doing something that didn’t feel loving, but was definitely better for them.
*Sharing my challenges inspired them to take healthy risks. You see, I didn’t lose credibility or authority by being vulnerable. I was actually giving them hope that they could live through the angst and come out stronger.
*And the biggest lesson of all… THE ONLY ONE I CAN CONTROL AND CHANGE IS ME.
That doesn’t always feel comforting. It’s work.
It’s learning to accept reality; to stop arguing with it and stop resisting.
It feels like I’m always examining my thoughts and reminding myself about it.
The thing is, there’s a huge payoff for me and my loved ones.
Don’t get me wrong. There are still times I want to scream and have a tantrum. The gift is getting back to the calm faster. Then I’m less miserable, and so is my family.
Which of these lessons do you connect with?
Remember that you always have choices as a parent. Here are my final questions for you:
Are you parenting the child you want, or the child you have?
What will you do to parent the child you have and be the parent your child needs?
P.S. If you were inspired by any of my lessons, Moms' Circle Group Coaching could be for you. Email me at fern@fernweis.com for details and to schedule a 15-minute call. Let’s see if it’s a good fit for you.
*CLICK HERE for Lessons From a 'Recovering Parent' (Part 1)
*CLICK HERE for Lessons From a 'Recovering Parent' (Part 2)
I love to help parents prepare for the teen years, instead of making it up as you go. Contact me to schedule your complimentary consultation at fern@fernweis.com or join my private FB group HERE.
Fern Weis is a certified life coach who learned that caring and good intentions are not enough in parenting. In fact, they are often the problem! Fern supports parents of teens and young adults who are going through difficult situations, including addiction recovery. She helps parents release guilt, end enabling and confidently prepare their children to thrive through life's challenges. Her articles are featured in Thrive Global, Medium, Motherly, The Teen Mentor, and Bergen County Moms.
Learn more about coaching and classes at www.fernweis.com. And then download your free guide, "Five Powerful Steps to Get Your Teen to Talk." For information on Family Recovery programs, visit www.familyrecoverypartners.com.
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