Lessons From a 'Recovering Parent' (Part 1) by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach

What are you (and every other parent) addicted to? Your child, of course, and the dreams you have before you even hold that baby in your arms.

Those dreams have the power to derail your natural parenting instincts. But remember… you are always at a point of choice!

In any moment, you have the power to choose a new way of being, speaking and doing, and to influence your children for good.

I am a recovering parent. I had a vision of how life would be, an ideal image of their bright future. I was addicted to my children and their happiness and success.

Things are looking pretty good now, but there were bumps, hills, even mountains of despair along the way.

We all face those times. It's what you do during those times that can impact the outcomes, for better or for worse. Here are some things I learned on my journey from addiction to recovery as a parent:

• I couldn’t prevent bad things from happening to my kids, but I could walk them through the tough times.

• My children’s behavior was just as much about me as it was about them.

• Caring and good intentions aren’t enough. Sometimes they are the problem.

• Nothing was going to change until I did. After all, they learned a lot just from watching me.

• I couldn’t fix everything for them. When I stepped away, they had no choice but to handle it themselves (and learn just how capable they are).

• When my hopes and dreams for them conflicted with reality, I had to stop wringing my hands, stay focused, and take action on the issue at hand.

Remember that you are always at choice. Are you choosing to parent the child you want, or the child you have? Are you choosing to dream about the life you want, or to handle the life you have? 

There are times when you have to put aside what you want and prioritize the moment you’re in. Break your addiction to the dream, and be the parent your child needs

P.S. More lessons coming. Stay tuned for Part 2.

I love to help parents prepare for the teen years, instead of making it up as you go. Contact me to schedule your complimentary consultation at fern@fernweis.com or join my private FB group HERE.

Fern Weis | Parent + Family Recovery Coach

Fern Weis is a certified life coach who learned that caring and good intentions are not enough in parenting. In fact, they are often the problem! Fern supports parents of teens and young adults who are going through difficult situations, including addiction recovery. She helps parents release guilt, end enabling and confidently prepare their children to thrive through life's challenges. Her articles are featured in Thrive Global, Medium, Motherly, The Teen Mentor, and Bergen County Moms.

Learn more about coaching and classes at www.fernweis.com. And then download your free guide, "Five Powerful Steps to Get Your Teen to Talk." For information on Family Recovery programs, visit www.familyrecoverypartners.com.