There was a time when I was ruled by my fears and good intentions, and they didn't serve me or my children well. I am a recovering parent. It's still challenging. Â
Even though my kids are adults, I sometimes slip... only now I have the awareness, tools and support to get through it more quickly or avoid it completely.
We all face those times. How you react will impact the results, for better or worse.Â
Here are lessons 7-12 of my ‘recovering parent’ journey:
* No boundary was better than a boundary I didn't enforce, or they learned there are no real consequences, and didn’t take me seriously.
* They needed consequences to understand that they are responsible for their words and actions, and their impact on others.
* My dreams for them weren't always what was best for them. They had to find their own way, discover their unique potential, and work towards it.
* My emotional responses (usually based in fear) were not helpful. They were a distraction.
* I learned to stay on topic and not allow them to distract me from the real issue.
* Nagging and lecturing resulted in more of the same behaviors I didn't want to see.
Which of these lessons resonates with you?
Remember that you are always at choice. Are you choosing to raise the child you want, or the child you have? To live the life you want or the life you have? Â
There are times when you have to put aside what you want. Think about it. Break your addiction to the dream and be the parent your child needs.
If you were inspired by any of my lessons, you can learn how to change your family dynamic, too. Moms’ Circle group coaching (virtual) is open. Email me for details and a chat at fern@fernweis.com.
Don’t put it off. Make 2024 the year for true progress in raising your teen
*CLICK HERE for Lessons From a 'Recovering Parent' (Part 1)
I love to help parents prepare for the teen years, instead of making it up as you go. Contact me to schedule your complimentary consultation at fern@fernweis.com or join my private FB group HERE.
Fern Weis is a certified life coach who learned that caring and good intentions are not enough in parenting. In fact, they are often the problem! Fern supports parents of teens and young adults who are going through difficult situations, including addiction recovery. She helps parents release guilt, end enabling and confidently prepare their children to thrive through life's challenges. Her articles are featured in Thrive Global, Medium, Motherly, The Teen Mentor, and Bergen County Moms.
Learn more about coaching and classes at www.fernweis.com. And then download your free guide, "Five Powerful Steps to Get Your Teen to Talk." For information on Family Recovery programs, visit www.familyrecoverypartners.com.