Does Your Teen’s Behavior Determine Your Mood? By Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach

“When you behave better, I feel better.”

Take an honest look. How often do you find yourself living by this unspoken motivation?

It’s a loaded statement. I’ll admit, it’s true for me more often than I’d like to admit—whether in interactions with my kids, my husband, or even other adults.

It’s a natural human response: when the people around us are calm, respectful, and agreeable, it’s easy to be calm ourselves. But the danger comes when our sense of well-being depends too heavily on how others are behaving.

So, ask yourself: How often is your mood determined by how your kids are behaving?

Maybe you’ve noticed yourself thinking, “If my teen would just listen, I could finally relax.” Or you get pulled into an argument because you feel like you need to prove you’re in control—even though deep down you know you can’t control another person.

Here’s the hard truth: sometimes we’re not really stepping in for our child’s benefit. We’re doing it to make ourselves feel better. That sense of control can provide short-term relief, but it rarely brings long-term growth for our kids—or peace for ourselves.

This dynamic has a name: codependency. It may sound heavy, but don’t shy away from it.

Codependency isn’t just about extreme situations or unhealthy relationships. It’s surprisingly common in everyday family life. It shows up whenever our emotions are tethered to another person’s moods, choices, or behavior.

The good news? Awareness is the first step to change. When you notice yourself slipping into “I’ll be okay if you behave better,” pause. Ask: Am I responding to guide my child, or am I reacting to soothe myself?

Your teen doesn’t need you to be perfect, but they do need you to be steady. That steadiness comes when you you’re grounded in your own values, emotions, and choices—regardless of your child’s ups and downs.

When you let go of trying to control how your child acts in order to feel better, you create space for two important things: your own peace of mind and your teen’s growth. This nurtures connection, joy, and a confident teen.

If you're stalled in this dynamic, let's get you started on one small step to kick-start the change.

I am here to support you. It's simple to begin. I'm happy to gift you with a 30-minute, free Parent Support Call. Click HERE.

Fern Weis | Parent + Family Recovery Coach

Fern Weis is a certified life coach who learned that caring and good intentions are not enough in parenting. In fact, they are often the problem! Fern supports parents of teens and young adults who are going through difficult situations, including addiction recovery. She helps parents release guilt, end enabling and confidently prepare their children to thrive through life's challenges. Her articles are featured in Thrive Global, Medium, Motherly, The Teen Mentor, and Bergen County Moms.

Learn more about coaching and classes at www.fernweis.com. And then download your free guide, "Five Powerful Steps to Get Your Teen to Talk." For information on Family Recovery programs, visit www.familyrecoverypartners.com.