Managing the Holidays When Family Connections Are Strained: Small Steps to Soften a Difficult Time of Year by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach
- Bergen County Moms
- 4 days ago
- 2 min read
The holidays have a way of bringing everything to the surface—love, loss, gratitude, regret. Even the anticipation of the season can stir up emotions you thought were settled.
When you’re estranged from an adult child, those feelings can intensify. A time that’s supposed to be warm and joyful can instead feel tender, complicated, or even painful.
If this is where you find yourself, you’re not doing anything wrong. You might be torn between wanting to celebrate and wanting the world to pause until January.
You may long for connection and at the same time feel the need to protect your heart. All of this is normal.
Truly—there is no “right” way to navigate the holidays when your family connections are strained.
Here’s what is right: giving yourself permission to honor your experience.
You can simplify your plans. You can pare down the expectations. You can say no to invitations that feel draining, and yes to quiet moments that soothe your soul. You can feel sad and still find small pockets of peace, comfort, and meaning.
And those small things matter more than you think.
Light a candle for the love that still lives within you, even if it has nowhere to go right now.
Reach out to a friend who understands—someone who can simply sit with your feelings without trying to fix it.
Volunteer or help another person who might also be feeling lonely this season. Sometimes offering kindness helps ease your own ache.
None of these steps erase the complexity of estrangement, but they can help you move through the season with a little more gentleness—for yourself most of all.
If the holidays are difficult, you’re not alone. And you’re allowed to create a version of the season that supports you.
Fern Weis is a certified life coach who learned that caring and good intentions are not enough in parenting. In fact, they are often the problem! Fern supports parents of teens and young adults who are going through difficult situations, including addiction recovery. She helps parents release guilt, end enabling and confidently prepare their children to thrive through life's challenges. Her articles are featured in Thrive Global, Medium, Motherly, The Teen Mentor, and Bergen County Moms.
Learn more about coaching and classes at www.fernweis.com. And then download your free guide, "Five Powerful Steps to Get Your Teen to Talk." For information on Family Recovery programs, visit www.familyrecoverypartners.com.