Are You Their Safe Place? By Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach

Would you like to be their safe place?

It takes a great deal of trust, as teens are wary of sharing with parents. These are confusing years for them with a lot of conflicting feelings, wants and needs.

Let me do it myself!  

I still need help.

Don't tell me what to do!  

I'm scared I'll mess up.

You don't know anything!  

Neither do I...

I want to fit in.  

I also want my own identity.

Parents are confused, too.

️

They used to tell you everything, and now they treat you as the enemy.

Eventually, they did (mostly) as you told them to do. Control? What’s that?!

They shut you down and shut you out. You love them so much… What did you do that was so awful??

It’s not about you, you see… except when it is.

More confusion. ‍

It starts out about them. They have lots of big feelings and so few skills. It’s normal, and oh, so difficult to maneuver. Don’t take that on. They’re allowed to have their feelings.

Here’s where it becomes about you.

It’s in how you approach and speak to the bear.

First you stop:

* thinking of your answer while they’re still talking

* telling them they’re over-reacting 

* asking too many questions (it feels like an interrogation)

* offering solutions (especially when they didn’t ask for advice)

* telling them what you would have done

* doing their thinking for them

“But I love them so much! I only want what’s best for them!”

I know. I really do.

The thing is that sometimes you have to show your love in a different way; a way that doesn’t feel natural or comfortable, at first.

Love means giving your child what they need, not what you want.

Now you say it.

“Love means giving my child what they need, not what I want.”

Let's stay connected. Follow me here on Facebook for fresh perspectives and everyday tools that help you stay grounded and close to your teen.   

Fern Weis | Parent + Family Recovery Coach

Fern Weis is a certified life coach who learned that caring and good intentions are not enough in parenting. In fact, they are often the problem! Fern supports parents of teens and young adults who are going through difficult situations, including addiction recovery. She helps parents release guilt, end enabling and confidently prepare their children to thrive through life's challenges. Her articles are featured in Thrive Global, Medium, Motherly, The Teen Mentor, and Bergen County Moms.

Learn more about coaching and classes at www.fernweis.com. And then download your free guide, "Five Powerful Steps to Get Your Teen to Talk." For information on Family Recovery programs, visit www.familyrecoverypartners.com.