Are You S.E.E.N.? What’s Really Going On When You Lose It with Your Teen by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach

We all want to feel seen: understood, valued, and accepted for who we are. But sometimes, when we’re reacting to our kids in ways we don’t like (snapping, shutting down, walking on eggshells), there’s more going on beneath the surface.

This is where S.E.E.N. comes in. It’s a simple but powerful tool to pause and check in with yourself:

• S – Scared of something

  
  

  Are you afraid your child’s choices will hurt them—or reflect badly on you? Are you scared they’ll fail, or that your relationship will never improve?

  
  

• E – Embarrassed by something

  
  

  Maybe it’s their messy room, the way they talk back, or their public behavior. Embarrassment often signals deeper concerns about judgment—from others or even from yourself.

  
  

• E – Expecting something

  
  

  Expectations can be silent saboteurs. You expected respect. You expected them to listen, to be ready, to appreciate. When those expectations go unmet, frustration builds.

  
  

• N – Needing something

  
  

  Support. Peace. Appreciation. A break. We all need things—but rarely voice them. When those needs aren’t met, it shows up in our parenting.

  
  

So next time you find yourself overreacting, take a breath and ask: Am I S.E.E.N.? Which of these is showing up for me right now?

And then—bring that same curiosity to your child. Could they be scared, embarrassed, expecting something, or needing something, too?

Compassion starts with being honest with yourself. When you feel seen, it becomes easier to truly see your child—not just their behavior, but what’s driving it.

That’s where connection begins.

Want to learn how to handle hard parenting moments with more calm and confidence? Click here to schedule a free, 30-minute consultation with me.

Fern Weis | Parent + Family Recovery Coach

Fern Weis is a certified life coach who learned that caring and good intentions are not enough in parenting. In fact, they are often the problem! Fern supports parents of teens and young adults who are going through difficult situations, including addiction recovery. She helps parents release guilt, end enabling and confidently prepare their children to thrive through life's challenges. Her articles are featured in Thrive Global, Medium, Motherly, The Teen Mentor, and Bergen County Moms.

Learn more about coaching and classes at www.fernweis.com. And then download your free guide, "Five Powerful Steps to Get Your Teen to Talk." For information on Family Recovery programs, visit www.familyrecoverypartners.com.