You Can Disagree and Still Be Empathetic by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach

Understanding someone's feelings doesn't mean you agree with them.

Do you know you can disagree AND be empathetic at the same time? Feels strange, doesn't it? 

I learned this while raising my kids. Sometimes I couldn't understand why they felt the way they did; why it took so long for them to 'snap out of it.'

Which is kind of crazy, considering how moody I could be and for how long.

In the end, the more I questioned or critiqued, the more they withdrew. My impatience was not helpful.  

I was a quiet and sensitive child. Being told I was too sensitive didn't help. It hurt a lot. 

That's what denying someone's feelings sounds like. It's the opposite of empathy, and it feels awful.

The keys to staying connected to your kids are to:

•  Focus more on them as people

•  See them as more than their problems

•  Listen more

•  Feel compassion

•  Let go of needing to be right

Of course, you can disagree and feel frustrated. Yes, you can and should revisit issues and situations that still need attention.

And you can acknowledge their feelings. This is the first and most significant step you can take to turn down the heat and return to a situation with calm and respect. Yes, respect. 

Opinions don't matter with someone you love. Besides, opinions are not facts. Remember that.

It's the person, your beloved child, who matters.

Be well, be strong, and let them have their feelings.

P.S. Remember that you and your child need the same things. Let's start that work together. The next Group Parenting Support call (GPS) is Tuesday, October 21 at 8:00pm Eastern. Email me at fern@fernweis.com and I'll save a seat for you.

Fern Weis | Parent + Family Recovery Coach

Fern Weis is a certified life coach who learned that caring and good intentions are not enough in parenting. In fact, they are often the problem! Fern supports parents of teens and young adults who are going through difficult situations, including addiction recovery. She helps parents release guilt, end enabling and confidently prepare their children to thrive through life's challenges. Her articles are featured in Thrive Global, Medium, Motherly, The Teen Mentor, and Bergen County Moms.

Learn more about coaching and classes at www.fernweis.com. And then download your free guide, "Five Powerful Steps to Get Your Teen to Talk." For information on Family Recovery programs, visit www.familyrecoverypartners.com.