Our good intentions are often fear masquerading as love. Fear causes us to get involved in things that aren’t really our responsibility, to do more than we should. We think we’re good parents because we’re doing something! This makes us feel better, but isn’t helping our child. Here are some tips to head off those ‘good intentions’: Tip #1 – Pay attention to your inner wisdom. It’s speaking to you, first in your body, then in your thoughts. What do you really sense and know? That nagging feeling is whispering to you to question what you’re about to do or have just done. Tip #2 – Accept and understand what attention the situation needs. It could be your involvement, or your child stepping up and handling things. You’ll have to stifle your impulse to do it for them. Yes, it’s hard, and the payoff is priceless. Tip #3 – Share your concerns with another person. Take advantage of the support out there, and the opportunity to ‘download’ your worries.
Tip #4 – Take action, even imperfect action. To do or not do, hand off to your child or not. You don’t have to know every step until it’s resolved. Take the first step.
Fern Weis is a certified life coach who learned that caring and good intentions are not enough in parenting. In fact, they are often the problem! Fern supports parents of teens and young adults who are going through difficult situations, including addiction recovery. She helps parents release guilt, end enabling and confidently prepare their children to thrive through life's challenges. Her articles are featured in Thrive Global, Medium, Motherly, The Teen Mentor, and Bergen County Moms.
Learn more about coaching and classes at www.fernweis.com. And then download your free guide, "Five Powerful Steps to Get Your Teen to Talk." For information on Family Recovery programs, visit www.familyrecoverypartners.com.