When "Good Moms" Say NO by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach

Standing up for yourself doesn’t mean putting others down. Let’s talk about realistic, effective boundaries.

Parents are notorious for struggling with boundaries. I was (and still am, sometimes) one of them.

We’ve been conditioned—especially moms—to believe we should always be available, putting everyone else’s needs first. The “good mother” ignores her needs, loses her identity, and has trouble saying no. That’s not healthy for anyone.

A boundary is not about cutting off connections. In relationships, it’s what you do to protect yourself:

• Be clear about what is okay and not okay for you

• Be honest about what you will and won’t tolerate

• Respect and tend to your needs

• Help others know what to expect

A boundary is not:

• a brick wall

• an ultimatum or punishment

• disrespect or judgment

(Sometimes, protecting your peace does mean distance from someone you love. That’s hard, but necessary.)

Here’s what I’ve learned about boundaries:

• Not everything is my business.

• I have just as much right to nurture myself as anyone else.

• My kids get a distorted view of relationships when there are no boundaries.

• I don’t want to be angry and resentful.

• Only I can truly speak up for me.

When I set a boundary, it’s for me. I rehearse it, keep it neutral and respectful, and remind myself that love and connection matter most.

Boundaries aren’t brick walls. They’re healthy spaces that give everyone the chance to become their best selves.

Ready to set boundaries that protect your peace while strengthening your family?

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Fern Weis | Parent + Family Recovery Coach

Fern Weis is a certified life coach who learned that caring and good intentions are not enough in parenting. In fact, they are often the problem! Fern supports parents of teens and young adults who are going through difficult situations, including addiction recovery. She helps parents release guilt, end enabling and confidently prepare their children to thrive through life's challenges. Her articles are featured in Thrive Global, Medium, Motherly, The Teen Mentor, and Bergen County Moms.

Learn more about coaching and classes at www.fernweis.com. And then download your free guide, "Five Powerful Steps to Get Your Teen to Talk." For information on Family Recovery programs, visit www.familyrecoverypartners.com.