No one ever said that parenting is easy. And frankly, if anyone has, they probably didn’t have kids. Every parent-child dynamic is different, and every kid needs different things from their parents. But there are some things common to the developmental stage of adolescence, and subsequent parental reactions, that should be very carefully navigated.
Over the next 5 weeks, I will discuss the most common parenting mistakes, and how to stop making them today.
Week 2 | Snow Plowing
A related cycle that some parents fall into is taking care of all of their child’s obstacles for them—leading them through a social interaction or doing some of their homework for them. Taking care of your kid’s problems doesn’t help them in the long run. In fact, it leads your child to believe (and to believe that their parents believe) that they are not capable of taking care of their own problems. This ultimately can lead to low self-esteem.
Start Today Tip: Determine if you’re acting from the fact that you have a hard time sitting with distress and obstacles. Is this about how you don’t like to hear “no,” so you assume your kid will not be able to tolerate “no?"
Konstantin Lukin, Ph.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist in Ridgewood and Hoboken, NJ. He has extensive clinical and research experience spanning individuals of all ages, in both inpatient and outpatient settings. He specializes in men’s issues, couple’s counseling, and relationship problems. His therapeutic approach focuses on providing support and practical feedback to help patients effectively address personal challenges. He integrates complementary modalities and techniques to offer a personalized approach tailored to each patient. He has been trained in cognitive-behavioral, dialectical behavior, schema-focused, and emotionally focused therapy, and has also been involved with research projects throughout his career, including two National Institute of Mental Health-funded studies. He is a member of the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies, New Jersey Psychological Association, Northeast Counties Association of Psychologists, New York State Psychological Association, The International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy, The New York Center for Emotionally Focused Therapy, the International OCD Foundation, the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science (ACSB) and a regular contributor to Psychology Today.