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Ask, Don't Tell: 5 Questions to Boost Your Teen's EQ by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach

Ask, Don't Tell: 5 Questions to Boost Your Teen's EQ by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach, Bergen County Moms

Your teen shares a problem with you. You immediately jump in with options and solutions.

STOP! You're depriving them of opportunities to think for themselves.

In your attempt to prevent them from making mistakes and to insure positive outcomes, you do too much for your teen. In doing too much, you actually put them at a disadvantage: they don't know how to move through real-life, real-world situations. Their emotional growth is stunted.

That's the problem. Let's move on to a tool to reverse this pattern. It's called "Ask, Don't Tell".

To build their Emotional Intelligence (EQ), self-awareness and problem-solving muscles, ask rather than tell. Ask curious questions (which are not leading questions):

1. What has worked for you before?

2. Who could you ask for help?

3. What could your next step be?

4. What do you need right now?

5. What do you want me to know about this?

Be their guide into independence and satisfaction with life. Ask, don't tell.

P.S. There's a free companion guide about EQ. To get your copy, email Fern at or join my private FB group HERE.

Fern Weis is a certified life coach who learned that caring and good intentions are not enough in parenting. In fact, they are often the problem! Fern supports parents of teens and young adults who are going through difficult situations, including addiction recovery. She helps parents release guilt, end enabling and confidently prepare their children to thrive through life's challenges. Her articles are featured in Thrive Global, Medium, Motherly, The Teen Mentor, and Bergen County Moms.

Learn more about coaching and classes at And then download your free guide, "Five Powerful Steps to Get Your Teen to Talk." For information on Family Recovery programs, visit


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