Do you do and do and do for others? What are the downsides and the benefits? While my focus is on parenting, this applies to most relationships. Benefits: 1. You feel better when doing and giving. 2. You feel more in control. 3. Your child may truly need you to step in. 4. Some things just need to be taken care of. 5. You truly believe you’re doing something good. Downsides: 1. They take you for granted. 2. You feel resentment. 3. They come to expect that you’ll always do for them. 4. You worry that they’re becoming dependent on you. 5. They stop believing in themselves because you stop believing in them. 6. They don’t have chances to fix their mistakes. 7. They lose confidence and motivation. The reality is that good intentions often work against us and the children we love. The more we do for them, the less they are able to do for themselves. And even though they push back, our children desperately need us to nudge them into taking responsibility for themselves. This is our fundamental job as parents: to prepare our children for life on their own.
Fern Weis is a certified life coach who learned that caring and good intentions are not enough in parenting. In fact, they are often the problem! Fern supports parents of teens and young adults who are going through difficult situations, including addiction recovery. She helps parents release guilt, end enabling and confidently prepare their children to thrive through life's challenges. Her articles are featured in Thrive Global, Medium, Motherly, The Teen Mentor, and Bergen County Moms.
Learn more about coaching and classes at www.fernweis.com. And then download your free guide, "Five Powerful Steps to Get Your Teen to Talk." For information on Family Recovery programs, visit www.familyrecoverypartners.com.