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What You Don't Say... by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach

What You Don't Say... by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach, Bergen County Moms

Your children take your words as the truth. They carry them for life. Be thoughtful about what you say, what you don’t say, and when it’s better to not say anything at all.

I had to have a very important conversation with my daughter. So important that I asked for help scripting it. The time came and, with some fear, I delivered the message. Because it was scripted, it was concise, fact-based, and short.

When it was over, I shared with her that I'd had help. And then it occurred to me that I'd been very careful to leave certain things out, like reminding, nagging, and impatience.

I told her that, too, that I'd been careful to omit some things. And that was what she responded to. She said she was grateful for the things I didn't say.

There are words, thoughts and feelings that don't need to be expressed. Why not? Why not be honest?

Because too often they are said to make us feel better, not to improve the situation. When there's big emotion involved, think. Pause. Reflect. Does it really need to be said? And if so, why?

For more communications tips to strengthen your relationship with your teen, sign up for my free guide, “5 Powerful Steps to Get Your Teen to Talk”.

Have you had enough of the three D's? Message me. Let's talk. (

Fern Weis is a certified life coach who learned that caring and good intentions are not enough in parenting. In fact, they are often the problem! Fern supports parents of teens and young adults who are going through difficult situations, including addiction recovery. She helps parents release guilt, end enabling and confidently prepare their children to thrive through life's challenges. Her articles are featured in Thrive Global, Medium, Motherly, The Teen Mentor, and Bergen County Moms.

Learn more about coaching and classes at And then download your free guide, "Five Powerful Steps to Get Your Teen to Talk." For information on Family Recovery programs, visit


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