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The Way Things Are Is Not How They Have to Be by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach

Updated: Jan 23, 2022

The Way Things Are Is Not How They Have to Be by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach, Bergen County Moms

The way things are. That's us accepting the status quo when we don't see a way out, or feel helpless and scared to do the work of change.

While you can't change your child (or anyone else), you are not helpless to change something and get results.

The status quo changes when you dig deep for courage; when you decide something's got to give; when you ask for help with what you cannot do on your own.

Be the leader in your family. Leaders step up as catalysts for change. Leaders also do these things while feeling scared. Imagine that.

Leadership and fear are not mutually exclusive. They coexist. The greatest leaders feel fear, so why not you?

Fear is a normal human emotion, designed to protect us. Originally it was to protect us from physical danger. Now it is most often protection from emotional distress.

When we applied for our son to go to Hyde School, my fear was that it would work for others, but not for us. Our family must have been so much worse off than the others, I thought.

Not true. Every family had its work to do. No comparisons, no judgment. Just buckle down and work the process.

And we did. Seeking help meant we no longer accepted the way things were. No more status quo.

Have you had enough? Are you ready to take some steps to disrupt the way things are?

Raising Teenagers: Where Parents Learn How to Talk to Their Teens was designed to give all parents access to what it took me years and years to learn.

The membership opens on Monday, January 24th. Won't you be part of it?

Things don't have to stay the way they are, and you don't have to do it alone.

Be a disruptor.


Fern Weis is a certified life coach who learned that caring and good intentions are not enough in parenting. In fact, they are often the problem! Fern supports parents of teens and young adults who are going through difficult situations, including addiction recovery. She helps parents release guilt, end enabling and confidently prepare their children to thrive through life's challenges. Her articles are featured in Thrive Global, Medium, Motherly, The Teen Mentor, and Bergen County Moms.

Learn more about coaching and classes at And then download your free guide, "Five Powerful Steps to Get Your Teen to Talk." For information on Family Recovery programs, visit

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