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The Three D’s: Defend, Deflect and Deny by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach

The Three D’s: Defend, Deflect and Deny by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach, Bergen County Moms


You know, defend, deflect and deny. It happens at work, with your kids, with your partner, with anyone who goes on the defensive. (There's another D.)

I talk about families, so the question for you is, does your child ever avoid taking responsibility for his or her actions? Why do you think that is?

Defend, deflect and deny are common strategies to get you to back off. And all too often they work.

They don't want to lose face. They want to be in control.

They turn your words against you, or change the subject. Or keep that discussion going until you forget what the original issue was.

It’s not about you being powerful and controlling. It's about setting clear expectations and healthy boundaries.

Have you had enough of the three D's? Message me. Let's talk. (

Fern Weis is a certified life coach who learned that caring and good intentions are not enough in parenting. In fact, they are often the problem! Fern supports parents of teens and young adults who are going through difficult situations, including addiction recovery. She helps parents release guilt, end enabling and confidently prepare their children to thrive through life's challenges. Her articles are featured in Thrive Global, Medium, Motherly, The Teen Mentor, and Bergen County Moms.

Learn more about coaching and classes at And then download your free guide, "Five Powerful Steps to Get Your Teen to Talk." For information on Family Recovery programs, visit

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