The Most Dangerous Words in Marriage: “He Handles It” by Tracy Byrnes, CDFA®
- 2 days ago
- 3 min read
There are five words I hear from women constantly when it comes to money:
“He handles all that.”
The investments. The taxes. The retirement accounts. The insurance policies.
And honestly? I get it.
Life is busy. Between careers, kids, activities, aging parents, dinners, laundry and just surviving the week, someone naturally takes over the financial side of life. In many marriages, it becomes the husband.
Until one day, something changes.
Maybe it is divorce. Maybe illness. Maybe death. Maybe just the sudden realization that you have no idea where anything is or how anything works.
Lately, I have been hearing this conversation even more because of Strangers, the bestselling memoir by Belle Burden that has women everywhere saying:
“Oh my God…this could happen to me.”
And here is the important part:
This is not about blaming women.
Some of the smartest, most successful women I know slowly disconnect from their financial lives. Not because they are incapable. Because life gets overwhelming, and they trust their partner.
But every woman should know five basic things:
1. Know your numbers
Know what you own. Know what you owe. Know where the accounts are.
You do not need to manage everything yourself, but you should know (and I have said this before but it’s worth repeating):
what bank accounts exist
where retirement money is invested
what insurance you have
how much debt you carry
and who your advisors are
Awareness is not distrust. It is adulthood.
2. Keep your own financial identity
Please have at least one credit card in your own name.
Monitor your credit score.
Women who leave the workforce, even temporarily, can unknowingly lose their independent financial footprint. Then after divorce or widowhood, they are shocked to discover they have trouble getting credit or even qualifying for a mortgage.
It happened to me. I had no credit after my divorce. But miraculously, I was able to get an Express credit card from the women’s clothing store. So I bought one shirt. And then I paid it off. Then I bought two shirts and paid them off. And so on. It took a minute, but I built my credit back.
Your name on paper matters.
3. Understand how assets are titled
This one sounds boring but can become incredibly expensive.
Inherited money, homes and investment accounts can lose legal protections depending on how they are titled or combined with marital assets.
Before adding someone’s name to major assets, talk to a financial advisor, CPA or attorney first.
A five-minute conversation upfront can save years of regret later.
4. Talk about money before there is a problem
Most couples spend more time planning vacations than discussing finances.
Talk about:
spending habits
debt
financial goals
credit scores
investing styles
Money avoidance does not create healthy marriages. Transparency does.
5. Build your financial team before you need one
Too many women wait until they are already in crisis to seek financial guidance.
Every woman should have:
a financial advisor
a tax professional
and an estate planning attorney
Not because you are preparing for disaster, but because you are building confidence.
And honestly, that is what financial independence is really about.
Not fear. Not divorce. Not preparing for the worst.
Confidence.
Because no woman should ever feel like a stranger in her own financial life.
Please visit my site at tracybyrneswealth.com for a downloadable takeaway of these 5 tips.
Tracy Byrnes is a CDFA® and Vice President, Women and Investing, at Lebenthal Global Advisors. She is the author of Deduct Everything: What You Need to Know About Trump’s Tax Cuts & The One Big Beautiful Bill and she hosts the podcast Women, Wealth & What Matters: 5 Things with Tracy Byrnes. Her mission is to empower women financially so they can pursue their goals and confidently plan for the future. Tracy holds an M.B.A. in Accounting from Rutgers University and a B.A. in Economics from Lehigh University. She is also a financial expert who has been featured in multiple national networks and media outlets.
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