Parenting Improvement Project | Spoiling (Week 5) by Konstantin Lukin, Ph


No one ever said that parenting is easy. And frankly, if anyone has, they probably didn’t have kids. Every parent-child dynamic is different, and every kid needs different things from their parents. But there are some things common to the developmental stage of adolescence, and subsequent parental reactions, that should be very carefully navigated.


Over the next 5 weeks, I will discuss the most common parenting mistakes, and how to stop making them today.


Week 1 | Helicoptering

Week 2 | Snow Plowing

Week 3 | Invalidating

Week 4 | Inconsistent Reinforcement


Week 5 | Spoiling

This should (hopefully) be no surprise, but spoiling your child, and leading them to believe that they are more important or more deserving of love or material objects than the rest of the world can have disastrous consequences. A severely spoiled child might grow up to be entitled, which can be off-putting to interpersonal contacts and authority figures.


Start Today Tip: Check in with yourself. Are you really giving this to your kid because you’ll think it’ll be beneficial to them or are you doing it because you think your kid will like you if they get it?


Parenting is no walk in the park. But following a few simple guidelines may serve you and your child well, and lead them to be more emotionally healthy than they may be otherwise. Perhaps above all, the most important thing is to be aware and reflect honestly. Without first being honest with yourself, you’ll probably never make meaningful change.


Stay connected!



Konstantin Lukin, Ph.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist in Ridgewood and Hoboken, NJ. He has extensive clinical and research experience spanning individuals of all ages, in both inpatient and outpatient settings. He specializes in men’s issues, couple’s counseling, and relationship problems. His therapeutic approach focuses on providing support and practical feedback to help patients effectively address personal challenges. He integrates complementary modalities and techniques to offer a personalized approach tailored to each patient. He has been trained in cognitive-behavioral, dialectical behavior, schema-focused, and emotionally focused therapy, and has also been involved with research projects throughout his career, including two National Institute of Mental Health-funded studies. He is a member of the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies, New Jersey Psychological Association, Northeast Counties Association of Psychologists, New York State Psychological Association, The International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy, The New York Center for Emotionally Focused Therapy, the International OCD Foundation, the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science (ACSB) and a regular contributor to Psychology Today.

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