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How Strong Must A Parent Be? By Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach

Updated: Jun 7

How Strong Must A Parent Be? By Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach, Bergen County Moms

People mean well, but I don’t really like when they say, ‘Oh, you’re so strong.”

For starters, I crumble and stumble like the rest of you. I cry and whine and obsess.

And when I’m done, I get to work. One breath after another, one foot in front of the other.

It’s all we can do.       


Rachel Marie Martin, author of The Brave Art of Motherhood, shares some wisdom on motherhood and strength.“Simply being a mom makes us strong. Some of us have kids who once thought we were the best thing since ice cream, but now, having hit a certain age, look at us like we're the devil. We have to deal with their rebellion and smart mouth comments or their deafening silence.

“We have to make it through their school years: never-ending homework, questionable grades, and drivers permits. I mean, come on, we're exhausted, right?

“There wouldn't be dozens of social media memes about being tired if we all were not collectively spent. Who has time to muster strength to do anything other than making it through change? You have this life-changing strength.”

You’ve heard the expression, “God only gives you what you can handle.”

My feeling is, whatever you get, you handle. For better or worse, you handle it.

It's a question of how you handle it. Do you do it in a healthy way, or in a way that keeps you blocked and stuck in the problem? It's too easy to stay there, ruminating and scared.

What if we could look at an incident and say to ourselves, “Yeah, this stinks and it's hard”?

First acknowledge your own feelings, then figure out a way to cope with or improve the situation.

You don't have to say you’ll be strong. Admit that it’s hard, that it’s not fair.

Then change it to “I will deal with this. I always do. If I want to, I’ll take a bit of time to feel sorry for myself. Then I’ll be able to think more clearly about next steps.”

We all have strength. How and when it shows up is different for each of us.

It doesn’t matter what you call it. You will get through the tough times, one way or another, whether you think you’re strong, or not.

Strength is just a word. Showing up is what matters.

It's possible to ease the pressure and the dread when things aren't going the way you want them to.

Figuring it out by yourself is hard, if not impossible. You're not meant to go it alone.

Help is at your fingertips. 

Click here to schedule your complimentary Parent Discovery Call with me now.

Join my private FB group HERE.

Fern Weis is a certified life coach who learned that caring and good intentions are not enough in parenting. In fact, they are often the problem! Fern supports parents of teens and young adults who are going through difficult situations, including addiction recovery. She helps parents release guilt, end enabling and confidently prepare their children to thrive through life's challenges. Her articles are featured in Thrive Global, Medium, Motherly, The Teen Mentor, and Bergen County Moms.

Learn more about coaching and classes at And then download your free guide, "Five Powerful Steps to Get Your Teen to Talk." For information on Family Recovery programs, visit


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