It wasn’t until after my child crashed and burned that I realized how fearful I was. Just about everything was cause for worry.
Mind you, most of it was not life-changing. Still, I imagined the worst.
Fear made me a difficult person to be with.
Fear made me cranky and angry.
Fear didn't help my kids; it worked against them.
It's called catastrophizing. I also call it 'zero to disaster' in 60 seconds.
I missed the credit card payment due date.
There would be interest and a fee.
My husband and I would argue about it.
My/his/our credit rating would go down.
I really screwed up!
OMG, I’m not perfect!
Self-judgement to follow, probably the worst part of it.
Zero to yuck in 60 seconds.
A little neurotic? Yes. It turned out that I have a mild anxiety disorder and I got help.
But that’s not the whole picture. It takes a mindset change for real change.
Fear is a huge motivator, and most of us don’t realize it.
Here's what I learned to do:
Ask – Is this a problem to be solved or a crisis?
Do - Be a curious observer of my fear.
Ask – Do I have to make a decision/take an action right now?
Do - Take a few breaths to slow down.
Ask – Do I need help? If so, who can I ask?
Do - Walk, fold laundry, wash dishes, sing, call a friend.
And finally, remember that the more I can accept what's happening and stop fighting it, the calmer I will be.
I have a choice.
Fear will happen, guaranteed. How you respond to it will make all the difference.
P.S. I love to help parents prepare for the teen years, instead of making it up as you go. Contact me to schedule your complimentary consultation at fern@fernweis.com or join my private FB group HERE.
Fern Weis is a certified life coach who learned that caring and good intentions are not enough in parenting. In fact, they are often the problem! Fern supports parents of teens and young adults who are going through difficult situations, including addiction recovery. She helps parents release guilt, end enabling and confidently prepare their children to thrive through life's challenges. Her articles are featured in Thrive Global, Medium, Motherly, The Teen Mentor, and Bergen County Moms.
Learn more about coaching and classes at www.fernweis.com. And then download your free guide, "Five Powerful Steps to Get Your Teen to Talk." For information on Family Recovery programs, visit www.familyrecoverypartners.com.