BREAKDOWN - She’s Had It Up to Here! (And I Have Answers) by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach
“Am I the only one who feels like giving up? I have a 13-year old daughter, and I’m one step away from being DONE. According to her, everything is my fault, and I can’t do anything right. She’s rude, uncooperative, and we can’t have a polite conversation about anything.
“So many comments here say it’s a phase, normal teenage stuff, and they get through it by 17 or 18. If that’s the case, then I don’t know if I can make it through four more years. At the moment, even a week feels like forever.” (Adapted from an online discussion.)
I strongly disagree with “it’s a phase”. Yes, behaviors do change and the kids get cranky. However, that doesn’t mean we sit back and do nothing until it gradually phases out.
That would be abdicating your responsibility to help your teen grow up and adds to everyone’s misery.
(More about this in my new book, Leashes, Lessons, and Love.)
I went through troubling times with one of my kids at the 13-17 years mark.
Here’s what I learned:
1. By the time they hit the teen years, parenting well and effectively becomes more about us, and less about managing our kids’ lives. We can’t control them, only guide them.
In other words, we examine our own needs and behaviors. We become better role models, because our actions speak far louder than our words. Interestingly, I learned the same lesson while training our dog. The biggest changes happened when I changed my behavior first.
2. When they lob those 'mean bombs' at us, it’s about their frustration, sadness and disappointment. They say these things to get us off their back and leave them alone with things that feel too painful or embarrassing to share. The bottom line? Practice not taking it personally. It eats you up and takes away your hope.
3. Every interaction either strengthens the relationship or weakens it. Trust is built one conversation at a time.
4. Many teens don’t trust their parents to truly listen. Sometimes that mistrust is justified. We jump into fix-it mode, offer advice too quickly, or start planning our response before they’re finished talking. What they want most is to feel heard. So listen. And listen more.
Experiences like these are woven throughout Leashes, Lessons, and Love: What Dogs Teach Us About Raising Our Kids and Ourselves.
Didn’t think raising dogs and kids were connected? The similarities are striking. The 27 short chapters will gently teach you to parent with more calm, less aggravation, and better outcomes for your child. And you’ll smile as you read the adventures of Kessie and Goldie, our sweet girls.
When you get your copy, pay attention to Chapter 1, “Obedience Training Is Not About Your Dog.”
Pssst... If it’s not about your dog, who is it about?
Order your copy here: https://fernweisbook.com/book
I'm making Leashes, Lessons and Love available to you below my cost of printing, fulfillment and shipping. I don't want you to waste years, like I did, trying to figure it out. You can begin the transformation now, and I want this decision to be as easy as possible for you.
It's the book you've been waiting for. I can't wait for you to hold it in your hands, read it, learn something new, and smile.
Fern Weis is a certified life coach who learned that caring and good intentions are not enough in parenting. In fact, they are often the problem! Fern supports parents of teens and young adults who are going through difficult situations, including addiction recovery. She helps parents release guilt, end enabling and confidently prepare their children to thrive through life's challenges. Her articles are featured in Thrive Global, Medium, Motherly, The Teen Mentor, and Bergen County Moms.
Learn more about coaching and classes at www.fernweis.com. And then download your free guide, "Five Powerful Steps to Get Your Teen to Talk." For information on Family Recovery programs, visit www.familyrecoverypartners.com.
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