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No. Wait. It Really Is All About You. By Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach

We hear a lot about our children being part of the ‘me’ generation. And to an extent that’s true. “Give me, buy me, get me, you know nothing, the world revolves around me and my needs and feelings.” In their eyes, it’s all about them. We expect it, and know that it’s part of adolescence. But… how you deal with it is all about YOU. Getting your message across and making a lasting, positive impact on them is about you. What you feel and how you respond is up to you. (

5 Reasons Your Teen Wants You to Get a Life by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach

Get a life? You wish you had a life, and so does your teen! Most days it feels as if your life is all about your child and getting through the days. Why would your teen want you to have a life of your own? 1) The obvious reason is that it takes the focus off your child. "Stop bossing me around!" is a common teen outburst. If you're focusing on yourself, you're not focusing on what you want her to do, what she's not doing right, and how burdensome it can sometimes feel wh

The Dangers of Texting – Would You Say That To Her Face? By Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coac

I retweeted this message from Emily Roberts (therapist and author). "Parents, ask your kids, 'Would you say that to her face?' When texting, pause before you post." There's a big cyber-world out there, where what should be private becomes dangerously public. Our children are especially at risk of damaging relationships and their own reputation. A little empathy and awareness can go a long way in helping them maneuver through this world in a more healthy way. "Would you say

How to Say 'NO' Without Guilt and Resentment by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach

A mom shared that she had been looking forward to some quiet time. Unfortunately, her teen (who didn’t yet have a license) came to her and asked, wheedled, whined, for a ride to a last-minute meet up with friends. Mom felt cornered. How to say no without coming off as angry and resentful seemed impossible. She added that she felt enormous pressure from without. Other parents typically dropped everything to accommodate their kids, and she didn’t believe this was healthy f

“I Demand That You Get Me a Car!” Dealing Reasonably with an Unreasonable Teen by Fern Weis, Parent

In the age of ‘give me, buy me, get me” it’s important to be prepared for the nagging and deflection our kids are so good at. Today’s discussion is based on a real conversation with a client. Be prepared for the nagging when it comes, because it will come in one form or another. It's a true story. Eighteen-year old college freshman Jen wants her own car because: a) mom's car isn't often available to her. b) taking the bus is not cool and takes longer. c) s

It’s Not Your Job to Make Sure Your Kids Are Happy by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach

I love Pharrell Williams’ song “Because I’m Happy”. It’s an upbeat, catchy tune, and you have to love the videos of all those people dancing. But… in real life, there’s way too much emphasis on our kids striving to be happy. It just breaks your heart when they’re sad or disappointed, doesn’t it? And yet, it’s inevitable. As much as you’d like to, you can’t prevent it. We all know there is unpleasantness in life. In fact, you’d probably admit that those difficult times made y

How to Survive After the Kids Leave for College by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach

Many of you are sending your kids off to college soon, and maybe for the first time. I’ve been there, twice. And now my daughter lives overseas! Most of the time I’m okay with it… you get used to it, you know? But sometimes when she sends me little notes, or we chat on Skype, I miss her again. She’s clever and loving and generous, and so very courageous — and you really can’t do hugs on Skype. And then, when we actually visit, it hits hard. It sounds strange, but I don’t

Do's and Don't While Your Child Is in Treatment by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach

You realize that your child (or other loved one) is drinking or drugging or both. After the shock wears off, you reach out, get referrals, and consult with a treatment center. Somehow your son or daughter goes, or is taken, to an impatient treatment program, and you take your first deep breath in a long time. Aaahh. It's a relief to know that your child is in a safe place, getting help to detox and to begin the journey of self-examination and healing. Now what about you?

Life From a Different Lens by Noreen Heffernan, Writer

I’m a Mom. I’m every Mom. We might not have the same circumstances, titles, roles, and lives, but we are all Moms. We all want the same things for our children. And although my day might be a little different than my friend up the street, we all can find extraordinary moments in our ordinary everyday lives. All we have to do is look. And when we get a chance to see it, it all becomes so clear. When “A Day in the Life,” came to fruition, I was hesitant to allow someone t

Innocent Questions are Rarely Innocent by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach

Have you ever asked an 'innocent question' and all hell broke loose? That's because innocent questions are rarely innocent. You think you're going in with curiosity and good intentions, but there's often an ulterior motive you may not be aware of. If you've been on the receiving end of a supposedly innocent question and felt attacked, imagine how your kids feel in that situation. I have learned that just because it feels like an innocent question or comment to me doesn’t m

Your Values Are Your Parenting Foundation by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach

“If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there.” – Unknown You bring your newborn baby home with great joy and some trepidation. You are finally a family and ready to lavish love, protection and dreams on this little bundle. But where is the owner’s manual? Your manual tends to be your own parents. Some of you will raise your children the way you were raised. For others, it is just the opposite. “I’ll never do that to my children,” you may have said. Eith

What It Really Means to Let Go by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach

The phrase ‘letting go’ has been coming up everywhere I turn. It is tied to self-esteem, resilience, emotional intelligence and every other buzzword for raising children to become self-sufficient, independent and satisfied adults. Rather than an article, I’m sharing a poem with the title “Letting Go”. The first time I saw this was at Hyde School. My husband and I were learning to put our attention on us, and to letting our child take responsibility for himself. That’s when ev

Speak Up! Encouraging Public Speaking In Your Child by Kathryn Lancioni

School. Sports. Clubs. Chances are, if your child is involved in any of these, he or she talks all day. So why don’t all kids gravitate towards public speaking? While the career and life benefits of public speaking exposure for children and teens are well documented, it can be a real challenge to get kids interested in making speeches. Very often, kids are hesitant to put themselves “out there” in the form of a public presentation. For parents who may not have a wealth of pub

4 Steps to Stop Overparenting (Part 2) by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach

In the first of this two-part series, we learned that overparenting is another word for hovering, helicoptering and micromanaging. When parents do for their children what they can and ought to do for themselves, it’s called overparenting. When they try to fix or prevent their children’s mistakes, it’s overparenting. We also took a deeper look at two reasons most of us do this (to a greater or lesser extent): the race for college, and the fear of risky and self-harming beha

Overparenting (Part 1) – What Is It, and Why Do We Do It by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coac

Overparenting. It’s the new buzzword for helicopter parenting, enabling and micromanaging. I did them all. I’m happy to say that I’ve (mostly) grown out of it. The truth is that there are still moments when I have the urge to step in and take over. It’s normal to feel that way; however, I know I’ve made progress when I feel the urge and don’t act on it. When children are very young, it’s not so bad. After all, they need to be guided, nurtured and protected. As they grow

Women's Empowerment Event : Think Tank

* SOLD OUT EVENT * Thursday, January 25th Women's Empowerment Event | Think Tank Powering A New Future for Women + Girls Hosted by Jen Marchetti, Owner of PowHER Network Special Guest Speaker, Illana Raia, Founder of Etre PowHER Network’s Think Tank event was SOLD OUT. Talk about power, passion and purpose. Amazing night of women mentoring each other + our aspiring young female leaders Click here to learn more #PowHERNetwork #EmpowermentPrograms #TeensampTweens

Do You Live in the Land of ‘If Only’? by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach

Byron Katie, creator of The Work says, “When you argue with reality you lose… 100% of the time.” When you think “If only my teenager would…” you are arguing with what is, and it’s impossible to make progress. You are stuck in the land of “if only”. You know many people who complain about what their child is or isn’t doing, who spend lots of time wishing things were different. I used to be one of them. Perhaps you are, too. If only he took school more seriously. I can’t to

3 Steps to Prepare Your Student to be Successful in College by Fern Weis, Parent Coach

Sixty percent of students take five to six years to complete college (or don’t graduate at all). A big reason is that they are not emotionally equipped to be successful. It takes more than good grades to be prepared for college. It takes resilience, persistence and knowing how to deal with mistakes and disappointment. As a middle school teacher, I received many phone calls from parents about missing work. "Why didn't you call me?" they asked. "I would have made sure it was do

Bedtime Stories and Other Rituals Your Teen Still Loves by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach

My neighbor returned some children's books I lent her to read to her young daughters. Seeing the titles brought back all sorts of sweet memories of reading to my own children. The thing is, we read those books well into their teens! They have a soft spot for those books and remember those special moments before sleep. If you haven't done this with your older kids, why not? These childhood rituals can bring out the softer, sweeter side of your teen. For all their attitude

Before You Medicate…. Investigate by Stephanie Strozuk, MD, FAAP

Fatigue... low mood... insomnia...mood swings… inattention… agitation…rapid heartbeat…racing thoughts. Sound familiar? These symptoms often times result in a prescription for an antidepressant or antianxiety medication. But what if I were to tell you that these symptoms may be a message that something else may be awry besides a “chemical imbalance “in the brain? In the six decades that psychotropic medications have been studied, the conclusions about their use and effective

BERGEN COUNTY MOMS